Commonly, problems occur in writing that result in an unfocused, disconnected, or unintelligible read. At stake is the readability of the material, and the following are frequently encountered errors in style that, once corrected, will make for a more pleasant read, no matter what the purpose of the writing may be.
Passive Voice
An overuse of passive verbs (verbs where the subject of the sentence is the receiver of the action, rather than the doer) leads to an effect called passive voice. The doer of the sentence has been minimized or not mentioned at all and the result is writing that is impersonal, and therefore, not compelling.
Example:
- Our horse was a beloved horse. She was asked to perform many work-related tasks around the farm, and also pulled the old wagon for hay-rides in the summertime. Her hard work and good nature were rewarded with daily brushing of her mane and tail, which she appreciated very much.
The italicized verb forms in the above paragraph lack an apparent ‘doer.’ The following is the same paragraph, rewritten using active voice, where the doers are italicized:
Correction:
- My family loved our farm horse, Sherine. Every day, my father required her to assist him in endless work-related tasks around the farm, and yet she remained so sweet and docile that my parents could rely on her to safely pull me and my sisters in the old wagon for hay-rides. My parents, my sisters, and I would happily take turns rewarding her for her hard work and good nature by brushing her mane and tail every day.
Fragments
A fragment is an incomplete sentence; in other words, an incomplete thought. A sentence (or a thought) that fails to stand on its own as intelligible to another person is often lacking a subject, a verb, or some other essential element. The absence of said ‘essential element’ will require said ‘other person’ to scan the context for means to complete the thought. While this may be employed by writers of fiction as a stream-of-consciousness technique, typically the result is a reduced readability.
Example:
- He walked through the door. No lights. An aroma of incense was palpable.
While this may read like narration for a suspenseful crime drama, it may also merely be a shortcut to achieving that effect in the absence of compelling verbiage or subject matter.
Correction:
- He walked into the unlit room, an aroma of incense was palpable.
Comma Splices
A comma splice, also known as a comma fault, occurs when two independent clauses are spliced together with only a comma. Readability can be restored by replacing the comma with a period or a semi-colon, or by following the comma with the coordinating conjunction, ‘and.’
Example:
- The dance troupe occupied the tour bus for 39 days, at the start of the second week an aroma of unwashed clothing and bodies was palpable.
Correction:
- The dance troupe occupied the tour bus for 39 days. At the start of the second week an aroma of unwashed clothing and bodies was palpable.
It can be very helpful to find one person who will read your essays. You can tell this person the types of writing concerns they should look for, and as you get used to working with them you will soon take on the capacity to make these fixes yourself. Then, you will be able to recognize the use of passive voice, comma splices and fragments in others’ work and be able to advise on a fix.
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