One of the largest and most challenging things I ever encountered in school and my life was coming to terms with who I was my sophomore year. I felt horrible all the time, I didn’t want to get out of bed let alone go to school. I felt distant from everyone else and felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere. After seeing several doctors about these feelings and migraines I began to get I was diagnosed with depression. I had never felt so alone in my life as when they told me that. I was put on antidepressant pills but I still felt like something was wrong with me.
At this point I had cut off all connection socially at school except for a few close friends. At this point I was becoming somewhat suicidal and wasn’t sure what to do, there was no one I could turn to. One day a very clos friend of mine encouraged me to go to a new club that had just started up. With some arguing, I finally agreed to go with them. It was gay straight alliance club and it saved my life.
For the first time it hit me and I was finally able to put it into words. I was pansexual and agender fluid. I was neither a boy or girl, yet I was somehow both. I had finally met others in the school that understood my struggle, the struggle to figure out just who you are and that it was okay to be different. Around them I was no longer the weird kid or the odd one out, for the first time I was just me. The black cloud that had been following me all my life finally lifted, I didn’t have to hide from anyone anymore and I felt free. Without that one friend I don’t think I would have made it to see my graduation.
